#HelloLovelies
And so, here it goes,
my father was in the Army and alcohol access was easy access especially, when
we turned off age.
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| Merei Papa |
It was a beautiful
Ceremony to drink and celebrate with him, I always looked forward to these
events, as it meant decoration of the place and good food and mingling with
different people, dance and getting High/Drunk, communication with my Father,
to see Him Happy and go back home happy.letting your HAIR down and Chilling
Out.
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| Indian Army Parties |
It was a way of
Unwinding, as we all from the Army Background know, or least the Major Part of
US, do.
After my father
retired from the Army these gatherings with and without Alcohol reduced to a
negligible.
So we started hanging
around with cousins and friends and the consumption of Alcohol as we know kept
growing.
I love drinking, so I
started drinking more often and also gave breaks in between.
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| Love Drinking |
After my father
passed away, I turned into a fully functional alcoholic, till my beloved then
pointed out to me, about the Implications of excessive consumption of Alcohol,
and pestered me to Leave it.
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| Functional Alcoholic |
After my Father
Passed, there were many suppressed memories also that revealed from my
childhood, related to my sexual childhood abuse.
So I started Therapy
with Sanhita Kargupta (Inner Child Work) after speaking to my friend Meena
Iyer, who runs programme's for Alcoholics and understanding what a Functional
Alcoholic actually is.
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| Online Inner Child Therapy |
And decided to quit
Alcohol for a year. Wow the decision was Easy, not the Follow up, as I had no
Clue about Withdrawal Symptoms and How they affect you.
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| Withdrawal Symptoms |
And by this time, me
and my beloved had gotten very deeply involved with each other, so our Patterns
had also started affecting the relationship.
Especially with my
ABANDONMENT Issue becoming and Looming LARGE in my Brain.
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| Abandonment Issues |
I Kept at Therapy
somehow. I completed almost all stages except ONE, post which I decided to give
a Break, as the release of the Trauma and that affecting me, started to
increase.
Now it is VERY EASY
to Say that I can do Therapy and another thing to FOLLOW it up, it is Like
Cleaning BIG SHIT, which requires, BIG Strength and BIG WASHING.
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Big Shit
|
Sometimes with what
starts revealing in Terms of Trauma during the Therapy is SO FUCKING HUGE, that
you need the Strength of MANY people to support you through this Journey. ALONE
isn't possible, Since it is to do with Trauma Stored in your BODY, and your
MIND has to process it, and the MIND starts Giving up, and start breaching the
BORDER of Insanity, so Support is Essential.
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| Support is Essential |
I use to REVEL in the
GLORY of having a BRILLIANT MIND :)
I have realized the Importance of
a Healthy Brain.
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| Healthy Brain |
Now I would like to
add a little NOTE here about Addiction, It isn't only of Substance Abuse, it is
also........
Types
of Addictive Behavior
Although most of these
addictions are not recognized by the DSM-5, the leading diagnostic guide for
the mental health profession, many healthcare providers believe these are
distressing conditions which can be treated. And some behavioral addictions are
more common than others, including:
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| Types of Addiction |
Even when not
specifically labeled as an addiction, the behaviors can lead to real problems
in an individual's life, functioning, and relationships.
Courtesy: https://www.verywellmind.com/addictive-behaviors-4157291
And I went Deeper into
the Causes and FOUND this.
What causes addictive behavior?
These
can include both environmental factors, such as who the individual spends time
with outside the family; other biological factors, such as underlying physical
or mental health disorders; or developmental factors, including experimenting
with drugs at a young age.
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| Causes of Addiction |
What drives addiction impulsivity?
From a
neurobiological point of view, impulsivity has been linked to
a dysfunction of dopaminergic transmission within the mesolimbic pathway, a
main system involved in the modulation of reward and motivation. In other
words, a lack of effective regulation of dopamine signaling in the brain can
skew behavior.
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| Happy Hormones |
Of what
I have understood is that Addiction is not a Disease but a Symptom of Trauma in
the CHILDHOOD.
A Story (Mine)
So One
day while I was House Sitting my friends place, with only her cat at home, I
started to have an anxiety attack as I didn't know what withdrawal symptoms
were, and my beloved was upset with me as I chosen to be at my friends and not
include him in the process, so I was also facing abandonment issues, and breathing
started to become difficult, I thought I was going to pass away, and I called
my Therapist, she helped me with some breathing techniques and I felt a little
better, so she asked me to make a cup of tea for myself.
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Anxiety and Depression Symptoms
|
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| Panic Attack |
I
started looking for Milk, and then I looked in all the fridges, till I reached
the One stacked with Alcohol, Voila, It had Vodka, Rum, Wine and Tequila, What
a field TRIP, I was DUMB STRUCK for a few moments, thinking of having a drink
and realized this is what they show in movies, I stood there for an eternity or
so it seemed, and thought WOW, if I have a drink right now no, one will find
out, and I can still be sober.
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Fridge with Alcohol
|
Then it
HIT, me that Yeah I could do that, and I will have to Lie to Only One person,
ME. And that isn't acceptable to ME.
So I
became Sober for a year.
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| Sobriety |
Now I
would like to talk a bit about Mental Health and what happens when, you go
through it, well basically your MIND isn't functioning normally and is
producing chemicals that affect the thinking of the Brain, which causes many
things that you don't think you are capable of doing and yet you do them. Like
Reaction/Aggression/Shouting/Suicidal Thoughts etc etc.
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| Mental Health Benefits |
I have
something called CPTSD, which I will
get into in another POST.
I gave
my Inner Child Therapy a break Last year around October, as the Trauma stored in
my BODY, because of my abuse had to be processed by my BRAIN, and it started to
get tired.
And
then it would take me days to recover from the Crying and Depression.
During
this time, my relationship also got stressful and we BROKE UP, FUCKING DOUBLE
WHAMMY.
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| Double Whammy |
And I
BROKE. And had to be taken to a Physiatrist as my MIND couldn't handle the
stress Chemicals being produced by my Brain.
I am under Medication for Severe Depression and Panic and Anxiety Attacks.
Now I
did check with my Physiatrist about Drinking and she said if it gets out of
your control, then we will look into that as well.
For Now
I now I have promised that I am going to drink, Once or Twice a Week, and
Conscientiously as it was pointed out to me that I am loosing it. And I behave
like a different people with and without alcohol.
I must
admit that I did binge when I was very stressed, at this Point of time, I plan
to Keep this Promise to myself.
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| My Promise to Myself |
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#MincyMin #MentalHealth #Addiction #alcoholism
